"Should I Try to Get Back
Together With My Ex?"
Is getting back with your
ex boyfriend
or girlfriend the best thing for you?
Should you, or should you not, get back together with your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend?
If you are considering this question you obviously WANT your ex back but a part of you may have some nagging doubts and concerns about the sensibility of getting back together. In other words, you are split down the middle and unsure about how to proceed.
My purpose in writing this article is simply to get you considering the right questions since, obviously, I can't answer this question for you. However, the right questions will bring you out of the endless loop of:
"Should I get back together with ________? I don't know!"
...and help you to make the best decision in the end.
Also, you should know that I don't have an agenda. Sometimes people assume that just because I've written a book on how to get back together with an ex that I have some sort of bias and think that everyone should try to get back their ex. This is certainly not the case. I want what is best for you. For some people the best thing is to NOT get back together with their ex. Other people should be with their ex's and a little relationship work is all it will take for things to be perfect.
Here are some of the most important questions that you can ask yourself:
1.) ARE YOU DOING THIS ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM?
It's wired into our human nature... we want what we can't have. We are drawn to the unattainable. We desire what's just outside our reach... whether it's good for us or not.
You need to consider that you may be reacting from a sense of loss. It may not be the only reason you want your ex back but it's probably part of the reason. Try to figure out how much of you wanting to get back together with your is you is really just "wanting what you can't have" syndrome... if nothing else it will make you aware of it so that you can better separate your desire from the decision making process.
2.) WERE THEY GOOD FOR YOU?
When asked why they liked their ex, many people will rattle off a list of great qualities the person has... they were smart, attractive, kind, etc.
Someone can have many positive qualities - they could be successful, good-looking, nice, the perfect humanitarian - but excellent qualities do not necessarily translate to compatibility. Even the best of personality characteristics usually have a downside.
As an illustrative example, let's consider success. Success is a great thing. But, success in any area usually requires a certain amount of effort, focus, and time. That translates to less available effort, focus, and time spent on you. If having a lot of quality time, availability, and attention are important to you then maybe the cons of success outweigh the pros.
3.) DID THEIR POSITIVE QUALITIES OUTWEIGH THEIR NEGATIVE?
Nobody's perfect. But, it's not unreasonable (at all) to expect a relationship partner to have more good qualities than bad qualities. In fact, this is a pretty low standard. If you can't honestly, confidently say yes then it's a very good indication that you should not try to get back together with your ex. It's also likely that your reasons for wanting to get back together with them are unhealthy and motivated by self-destructive intentions.
4.) IS IT POSSIBLE THAT SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE WILL HAVE THE SAME POSITIVE QUALITIES... WITHOUT THE NEGATIVE QUALITIES?
There is no denying that your ex has positive qualities. I'm sure that's why you were drawn to them in the first place. The issues about whether you should get back together with them lie in their bad qualities.
It's good to consider the possibility that in the millions of single people in your age group, there may be someone that has exactly what you like and lacks all the stuff you don't care for. Of course, it's impossible to meet even a sliver of those millions of eligibles but it can be helpful to give this some consideration so that you don't get stuck in the "_______ is the only person I could ever love" train of thought.
5.) IF YOU GET BACK TOGETHER WHAT WILL YOU DO TO ENSURE THAT THE ISSUES THAT LED TO BREAK UP DON'T CAUSE PROBLEMS AGAIN?
The purpose of this question is two-fold. First, it's meant to make you consider whether or not the problems that you had are actually problems that have a solution. Is it even possible to fix what was wrong with the relationship?
The other purpose is to give you an idea of what it's going to take to make this relationship work. Is the solution simple? Is it complex and difficult? I'm not saying that the relationship is only worth a certain amount of effort. I just want you to be aware of what you are getting into.
7.) IS YOUR EX WILLING TO WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP?
There is only so much that one person can do to keep a relationship together. If the other person isn't willing to take responsibility for and handle their 50% then it's not a good situation for you to be in. You'll have problems, you'll be unhappy.
If your ex didn't seem willing to work on the relationship before then it's highly unlikely that they will this time around... especially if they were the one that broke up with you.
Earlier I told you that it's not important to me whether or not you choose to get back together with your ex... I just want you to make the best decision. And, perhaps this is the most definitive question you can ask yourself... "Is getting back together with my ex what is best for me?"
If you have given due consideration to each of these questions and feel that you should get back together with your ex then it's likely that it would be a good decision. If, however, you have nagging doubts I think that you should hold off on pursuing your ex until your more confident that you should.
If you'd like to get back together with your ex you can learn more about my ebook by clicking here.
LEARN ABOUT THE HOW TO GET BACK YOUR EX PLAN
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