If your ex hates you, it’s going to be more difficult to get them back than if things had ended more amicably. Negative feelings of any kind create resistance and we have to overcome those negative feelings before getting back together is even a possibility.
The first thing that you need to do is back off completely. These negative feelings dissipate with time, not with effort and persistence. You can’t argue with your ex and convince them they shouldn’t hate you. They simply need to be left alone and those feelings will slowly fade on their own.
The length of time they need to be left alone varies depending on how negative and strong you think these feelings they have for you are but I recommend at least a couple of weeks (minimum) and that is if things ended relatively well and there is very little negativity. If your ex literally hates you, you may want to wait up to 90 days before trying to contact them.
If you want to get back together with your ex, how you react and what you say after the break up is very important. Unfortunately, many people will say or do the wrong thing simply because they are so caught up in emotion. Of course, it’s understandable. Few events are so profoundly emotional as someone you love ending your relationship with them. It hurts.
But, what can you say or do now to improve your chances of getting them back?
Before we answer that question, let’s first talk about what you definitely should not do:
- Don’t get angry and attack them.
- Don’t argue with them about why you should stay together.
- Don’t try to make them feel guilty by acting depressed.
These three things are very tempting to do and most people typically resort to one or more of these three tactics. However, they are generally ineffective. By attacking your ex, you only confirm he or she made the right decision by breaking up with you. By arguing with them, you force them to argue back thereby making them come up with more reasons why you two shouldn’t be together thereby cementing the decision. Trying to make them feel guilty for breaking up with you only makes you seem weak and therefore unattractive.
Avoid those three approaches to getting them back like the plague – they are ineffective and, worse, will do more damage to the relationship.
So what SHOULD you do?
You should react maturely. It won’t feel as satisfying as yelling and screaming, it won’t make you feel like you’ve made any progress, and it won’t make them come running back into your arms.
When they end the relationship and you say something mature – something along the lines of, “I respect your decision. I wish it wasn’t the case, but I understand” – you plant a seed. They think “Wow, he’s taking it pretty well. That’s better than I expected.”
You earn their respect by saying that. You move up a couple notches. You become more attractive to them improving your chances of getting them back later on. Once you’ve left things that way, it is time to begin using my 30 day plan for getting them back. In that plan, I’ll give you a step-by-step plan you can follow to repair the relationship and get them back.
I get a few different types of questions that all center on interpreting an ex’s behavior:
“My ex wrote me an email the other day, what does that mean?”
“My ex girlfriend texted me last night, do you think she wants to get back together with me?”
“My boyfriend has been calling me pretty often, do you think he is interested in getting back together?”
Unfortunately, the nature of relationships is so complicated that there really isn’t anything definitive that I am able to tell you or anyone else about the correct interpretation of a certain behavior. Does it seem like a positive thing that your ex is contacting you? Sure, it seems positive but that’s obvious. The exact meaning of that action is known only to him or her … and maybe not even to them.
Besides, it really doesn’t matter why your ex did something or what it means. If you want to get back with your ex then you should be focused on pursuing that end *** . It would be helpful to know if they want to be with you but if you are serious about being with them then you’ll have to take steps on faith alone. Trying to read into their behavior will only leave you confused and may lead you to make assumptions that aren’t true. It’s best to just focus on working the plan in my book about getting back together with an ex.
[*** Now, of course, this doesn't mean that you should ignore blatant signals that they DON'T want to be with you. If your ex makes it inmistakeably clear that they don't want anything to do with you then you should respect that. The overwhelming majority of the time, I am contacted by men and women who are wanting to know if something their ex did is a positive sign and that is the audience I am writing to. I'm including this disclaimer so someone can't use what I'm saying in this article to stalk or harass their ex.]
Online dating can be tricky… there are certain things that you have to do to experience success (such as putting a picture in your profile) and certain mistakes that will literally doom you to failure (such as joining a small personals site that doesn’t have many members).
To help you navigate these murky waters, so that the time and money you invest into online dating will yield you rewards in the form of many dates with people who are a good match for you, I’m giving away my ebook “Getting the Most From Online Dating.”
It’s packed full of tips, strategies, and suggestions and I think you’ll find it useful whether you are just getting started with online personals or you are a seasoned verteran.
You can download it by clicking HERE or from this link:
http://www.exback.com/ODS.pdf